hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
