Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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