I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
