Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
