Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
