i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
