You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
