you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
