I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
