he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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