I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
In America we eat man semen.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
