3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
