i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
