this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
