I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
