I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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