YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
