That reminds me...we need to get swords
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
