You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
