Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
