End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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