been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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