when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
