Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
