Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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