apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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