if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
