beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
