when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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