please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
