Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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