I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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