I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
