I just pynch a tree in the face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
