i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
