Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
