where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
