I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
