Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
