It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
