I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
