forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
