how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
