guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
