he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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