Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
