I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
