I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
