I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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