well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
