I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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