i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
