Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
