i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
