new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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