roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
